Podcast 104 | Speaking Tips and Five Tips to Optimize the Middle Schooler Brain

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Why should you speak? Why should you network? What are the best ways to communicate to an audience that may refer to you or start counseling? In this podcast I tackle all of this!

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Joe Sanok

consultant headshot JoeJoe Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC is one of the world’s leading private practice consultants. He is the owner of the Traverse City counseling practice, Mental Wellness Counseling. Joe helps counselors to start private practices and grow them.



Podcast Transcription

Podcast 104 | Speaking Tips And Five Tips To Optimize The Middle Schooler Brain

[0:00] Music.

[0:27] How are you doing today i hope you are doing absolutely fabulous it is a rainy day here in northern michigan i just dropped my daughter off at preschool and she was in such a bubbly mood for those of you that have kids.
Play when your kid starts at the day in happy mood and puts your jacket in their boots and their have.
There’s like no issues on my gosh like i know we’re all responsible for our own emotions bite while to start the day off a little bit better,
so today i’m gonna be talking with you about speaking we’re gonna talk about why you should be speaking why should be out there i’m not working,
and i’m going to give a demonstration of the talk that i’m going to be doing later today and share all about that and.
First i want to think brighter vision they are sponsoring states podcast and they are the best all-in-one website’s.
So there is some awesome amazing benefits that you get with greater vision so oftentimes websites can talking course to five thousand dollars or more in the costs that you end up paying interest hosting and website designer fees,
but it actually can only costs like two bucks today.
And so brighter vision you can get some amazing deals on your website it’s gonna be fifty nine bucks a month you’re gonna get unlimited tech support,
you’re gonna get ceo search engine optimization so people can.
Just so much cuz and greater visions websites and they are the best all-in-one solution is pretty cool perry their owner sent me over a few quotes from people and just wanted to read one to you today so this is from camera powell has.

[2:08] ryatherapy.com that’s a ryatherapy.com so shout out to tamra.
She says you’re you’ve absolutely ban amazing is all caps every step of this process and so thrilled with my new branding and i have to thank you for making it so easy,
and dare i say enjoyable so is not what we want we want the stuff that maybe we don’t know how to do that were not real great at.
To just be taken off her plate and so if you’re looking for someone to take you up say off.
They’re super awesome really nice guys over there and gals and yeah check out.
Oh yeah you should i have a website for it so brightervision.com/joe and you get your first month free cuz i sent you something stuff responses every division so today.

[2:59] I want to tell you also,
a couple other things for us are talking or talking i am surveying my audience if you are my email list you an email in the first a bit over a hundred people respond and it takes like three to five minutes really it’s the how much you put into it.
So ask is a very open-ended questions cuz i wanna make sure i’m using my time.
In the way that you want me to that’s going to serve you and so in reflecting during this time that i took off in october.
I’m really sorry think about the how to become a consultant podcast and the consultant school.
And i’m really excited about it and but the results for the amount of time that i put in if i put into practice the practice i think that i would have made a lot more money answer blower people,
and still drinking song school so i can go to the concert in school that come to hear more about that but i realized even just with the first hundred.
One question to ask is where you at in your phase of private practice and about a quarter of the people that listen and are involved they haven’t even launched their private practice yet.
And then just over another quarters an hour at least fifty percent just started a private practice some more than fifty percent of my audience has,
it has not even really like started a private practice and i was teaching how to become a consultant so i can miss the mark and in that respect i guess you know so,
i know that just a small fraction of you have thriving growing amazing private practices you’re still tuning in for a little night,
i want to hear from you i don’t hear from you what you think i’m gonna be going to that an elsa someone to be doing with my intern jennifer.

[4:36] I was using this actually as part of one of her research projects for a paper so head on over to practiceofthepractice.com for slash survey,
it’s going to be like three minutes and then through that i can make sure that what i’m creating really lines up with what you guys wanna hear what you wanna see.

[4:52] So that and then real quick wanted to let you know that those of you that are on the newer and the fifty percent of you that haven’t lines are going to launch,
you can download my free twenty eighth step checklist for starting a private practice is great especially if you just lost a practice make sure you have everything just head over to practiceofthepractice.com/start,
can you get that checked for free all servers and stuff i’m giving to now let’s get going let me turn my phone off i just come through.
And then it’s about the things tonight i will text you in a bit like where’s.

[5:33] So let’s talk about first why you should be speaking.
So people make decisions and who they’re gonna see the counselor really in two different ways a personal referral.
Or some sort of search.
So personal referrals gonna be a pastor a friend family member teacher principal the people that are rd in that family’s life and the individual and couple’s life.
And is the search side and that’s oftentimes just online so that’s why psychology today is a really great resource and you know lotta people been e mailing me about how i refer you get six months for free to test that out.
So that’s great we do having a website that ranks high writing blog posts the rain high those are all things that help on that side.
So today we’re talking about the other side of the personal referrals so when teachers principles pastors family friends recommend you go so much farther because.
They are the have that relationship something about yourself.
When you make a buying decision we all make buying decisions in us concerts oftentimes we feel really icky and weird about money and buying every single day.
You probably buy something and maybe gasoline and maybe you coffee mug in may be a coffee hours a coffee mug that you choose we’re gonna go so for my wife and i we often go to speedway for a gasoline.
It’s right by your house to usually cheaper than the other places in the speedy rewards card so that every whenever i mean keep track but you know we get free gas card every once in a while for just being consistent there.

[7:11] So there are reasons that i do that another at early looking quality of gasoline but there certain rewards i get out of that.
So personal referral year then kind of piggy backing on the relationship that person has so if you’re speaking at a school in the school principal says.
You know what i seen behavioral issues in your son here’s a couple counselors that i worked with anything i really great.
What does it then increases the kind of related to who you are before that person even meet you.
What i’m doing tonight happened so i’m speaking at this local school called green spider it’s a charter school.
It’s in the woods to go hiking at monday think they raise chickens like super lines of my personal philosophy like i think that’s the kind of school that when my daughters are older at the beach super cool of going to school like that.

[8:04] And so i start with the premise that like that’s the kind of school that i would want to work with and want to partner with so is probably a good a year ago or so.

[8:14] I have a client that was having some trouble attending their.
And because i don’t directly bill insurance i own private pay i can really say this is what i think would be best for your kid.
Inside recommended the family what if we scheduled instead of a session a forty five minute meeting with the principal talked real plan to come up with ideas to be able to just sort through it what are the next steps.
From there i continue to work with the principal not just for the student but just you know how are things going green spire what’s your vision for me inspire i think we went out for lunch i brought coffee over something like that,
and so i got no m and.
Overtime you know what happened was he had a staff meeting that he said i really love you talk more about the middle school brain inside presented to the staff.
And then we’ll because in the summer time it i reach out to him he reached out to me and.
You know we talked about some of their staff training when they were first launching the school year and then he said you know i would love to have you come speak to the parents here.
So it’s a natural progression in the professional relationship there were as you build trust with someone as they first meet you they to know you to understand your philosophy they see the aligns with their school.
And that you then off for these resources a really then helps build that relationship and build that trust in an authentic way mean we’re not trying to just trick people here were just demonstrating the skills that we have.

[9:46] And being nice people and reaching out to our community to make it better and from that you can get more referrals so a couple of things that you want to note.
When you’re working with schools are people ask you to speak i always give them a cost for speaking and so i break it down by.
How much prep time and planning time meeting with whatever the point person is so that the prince will it might be.
Two times meeting with them to discuss care what their goals are for their team or their goals are for the parents.
In my look like also five hours of planning and prep for it the two hours of speaking and then maybe our of creating social media or i can sing can be used to promote it.
So six ten hours you know my normal rate maybe twenty five per session so i say that this talk will usually cost me eighteen hundred dollars.
Now with schools like is of course the benefit the you’re gonna get referrals from them and there’s a lot of reasons that you should do it for free but i think that outlining what your costs are in lost opportunity is important.
When i then always say to the school or something i think of the positive referral sources this is what it’s costing me to do this event in time that i’m not see.
I understand this is probably outside of what your school or your church or whatever.
But i just want you to be aware of what i’m what time i’m putting into this event and then,
often times it happens is they then either go after a grant they try to find some additional money from the parent teacher organization they find something that they can pay something so i think it’s a great way to find that middle ground also saying.

[11:28] My time is valuable i’m worth something i’m a professional that went to school for this and there’s a financial value in this.
Every school every church every group isn’t gonna be able to pay you but i do think it’s still important to let them know how much time you’re putting into preparing for this.

[11:46] Also i think over deliver and anything that has to do with marketing it so most schools especially charter private schools,
looking for any new marketing opportunities and so if you’re on the radio or your writing for local paper,
tried saying there that you’re gonna be presenting a green spider school on this thursday at six o’clock so that the greens for school or whoever your speaking at.
Get that extra can.
Promotion and then create an event in your and your social media make sure that they have some optimize photos to use for their social media.
For example i sent an image that was optimized for facebook posts but then when they created the event in use that same image the size it was funny because facebook has a different size for their images for events so.
We made the event photo so that it would be optimize for them.
So what you can over deliver and make the principal or the teacher of the pastors job easier the easier it is for you to get invited back.
Music off when you get talking you cannot breath because you just so excited about how i’m at that point hand is need to breathe just need breathe real when.
It’s something that something you’re an.
My wife she pointed out years ago and for students in my public speaking there when i get excited i tend to speak much faster than is natural for me so who.

[13:23] Alright so.
How did i structure my talk is my talk is all about and the might just a little bit here so it’s easier to see my notes.

[13:34] So i’m asking this for and which part of the stuff but hey that’s part of the charm of joe santa.
Alright here we go here oh okay now i can see notes.
I’m standing in a natural position so what did i do to you think about the brain well.
Yeah i’m suppose to be speaking for seventy five to nine the minutes okay now.
The average person for speaking engagements can only pay attention for about twenty minutes at most that’s why ted talks are so popular,
cuz again they get out can see in that time tomorrow so.
What i’m gonna do is i’m breaking up my talk into five different areas and then i’m going to have some activities peppered in there to,
to get people moving create some community that you have to be more engaging than just me standing talking but we’re gonna here today is just.
The talking portion are so the purpose of this is to talk about the middle school brain optimize in the middle school brain.
So what i’m calling the talk is optimizing your middle schoolers brain five tips five tips.
Five ships that may smells so your middle schooler brain school’s policy and i know the my taxes i’m practicing with you and figure middle schoolers brain five tips for optimizing the brain or something like that.

[14:52] Alright i’m just gonna go through practice this is something you should do every time the of speaking engagement weathers five people or five hundred or five thousand.
You need to go through your talks so that you feel good about it the its natural you don’t have to let you know it’s i don’t have any power point and using i’m just gonna be speaking and i have a whiteboard.
So here we go.

[15:17] Well hello everybody really glad you’re here today welcome to green spider school and love the rain today rather than snow and you time i’m not quite yet ready for the snow.
So today we’re gonna be talking about your middle schoolers brain we were talking a five way stop,
my zip and i’m gonna share this with you and just a second and then we’re gonna go a little more in-depth who first gonna tell you about when i was in eight grade.
So when i was in eighth grade.
There is this one kid named jeremy and he thought it was really funny to steal items from the teacher’s desk so one day he still stapler nowadays still pen and his locker became like an office depot or staples just,
full of office supplies and everybody in the class no were in a small class and everybody knew it,
and remember this one day i came out my eight grade math class and jeremy threw me up against the locker in front of the whole class.
Put me on the grounds for kicking me punching me somebody pulled it off of me.

[16:22] Someone told him that the i told the teacher that he was stock piling all of these things in his locker if.

[16:32] No three years that moment in eighth grade stood out to me.
I hadn’t defended myself why was i such a weakling you know why wasn’t i good at sports are able to like fight back or at least in from the class so that i can hold my own i just like to get.
And it’s amazing how a group of years in our middle school or high school be like three or four years.
So in can shape us i mean.
Like i don’t compartmentalize from age thirty to age thirty three or from age twenty six th thirty.
For me i don’t like do that but i’m sure anyone of you can say amen in elementary school this happened in middle school.
This happened on this one thing that happened in early high school this happened during this time in your life because it’s such a formative time.
Our brains really take in our image of the world and so as we talk about your may.
We want to think about how right now.
It’s it’s amazing learning phase and it’s preparing itself for one of the biggest biological transitions of life probably the biggest other than transitioning to death and that’s,
the brain and puberty and becoming an adult over the coming years.
So during this time as the concept i want you to know it’s called neuro plasticity the same neural plasticity with me plasticity.

[18:03] Tomorrow brain plasticity how well the brain connex in so what the old fart for our brains was it you went through childhood your brain pretty much got cemented well brain researchers are finding now.
That your brain is not cemented its not stuck in those patterns of lot harder to come out of those patterns however.
Even as middle schoolers high schoolers the synapse connections the ways that these roads in our brain get formed.
We really start to see a lot of that during those middle school years and so a concept makes it a little easier to understand rather than have the scientific side is more of like a metaphor.
So your middle schooler has all these roads in their brain so they have i seventy five they got one or one that got them twenty two you got all these roads going through their brain.
Some of those roads are super highways they’ve got four lanes they’re just paved the perfect.
Some of them are aspiring roads there two tracks there you know the little dirt roads are no forty mile an hour roads are twenty five mile an hour road to suburb.

[19:10] So that all these roads in the brain now imagine that i seventy five that that really large road in their brain that’s really formed certain thought pattern.
So what happens with that is sometimes overtime our parents or teachers or even ourselves we say to ourselves.
I want to change this.
Now they’re certainly enforcers that happen in the brain so we don’t you know when things happen that reinforce that road that keep a me.

[19:44] Every time that its dinner time you say it’s time to eat and your son or daughter your middle schooler says just a few more minutes on the i pad just a few more minutes playing this video game.
And then every time you say okay just come in five minutes.
And then you say five minutes then finally come to the well established fact in their brain this road that they don’t have to come to dinner right away.
No magic hits frustrated with that they spent alot of time on a specific dinner maybe they don’t want to get cold in that five minutes whatever the reason is.
They then say no you need to come down to dinner right now.
Well that new road of coming to dinner right away needs to form right now to get trail and then the has to be reinforced overtime to track while the old road is allowing itself to break down get potholes.
Grown over eventually be re routed to this other road so takes time so today.
We are going to cover five tips that are going to help you as the parent guardian grandparent.
Community member that’s in a middle schoolers life to optimize their brain tumor tell you what is five things are then under each of them i’m going to tell you a story.
When i give you some research and i’m gonna give you some action items.
How are gonna be doing some activities today as well we’re gonna be the think yourself into some journaling he can also maybe do some smalltalk conversations cuz for me just standing up here and talking at you.

[21:17] I don’t like that when a participant in the crowd and i want to be able to actively engage in the learning beyond just.
Sitting consuming contact alright so five things real talk with sleep.
We’re gonna talk about organization we’re gonna talk about food were gonna talk about under scheduling okay talk about emotional support.

[21:42] Alright so the first one sleep the other night i was rocking my daughter she’s one year old one years old a year old and its use high two weeks ago.
And i would rock her she fall sleep later down quietly it sneak out of the room.
And then she start crying again and rockers like this it took so much time.

[22:07] Now when little kids don’t get enough sleep on a one year old and my four year old when they don’t get enough sleep.
What is the receipt temper tantrums we see an attitude we see all sorts of other things now we started sleep training with my daughter,
the one year old to help her fall asleep on her own and did you right now she’s down to about takes about three minutes of crying before she falls asleep so we made huge changes their in it what we do as parents.
But with middle schoolers is not always as obvious as it is in the title or baby if they get.
Not enough sleep system well why this matters of the brain at night what’s happening is reversed the day so during the day.
We’re taking all sorts of information in the middle schoolers taking information about math class about english and history what they learned outside they’re also taking information like.
What color shirt did thomas work today what color dress did free anywhere today,
what sport did we play today outside what conversations i have.
To all search of things that are meaningful and important to save and also the things that are really important the brain takes all the information drops into sort of a holding cell.
And then at night the quality and the quantity of sleep,
determines how well that’s filed away so the brain has sort of like a trash can and a c.
And it works through all the information says alright so we need to save this information this information we can pitch.

[23:40] We can save this information save this information pitch this information.
So that’s why sometimes when kids don’t get enough sleep the learn something they understand the math that night before.

[23:52] They’re doing their homework get it the next day it started like a shadow of what they remember that i don’t remember cuz maybe aba hockey and there is have didn’t even start on nine o’clock at night in their middle schooler.
So there is this research study minnesota to look at math scores in math grades and its associations sleep.
They found that the at the two groups and so one group they work for the past make sure they got an extra hour of sleep every single night.
And they found that for every extra hour of sleep that each.
They’re math score go up by about one grade so if you have a c student and you actually get to tension the counseling side light was a few more.
First thing research says you should do is get them an extra hour of sleep suffocating season math but connex our hubbies.
If you are gays get two x hours of sleep now this guy is extremely tough when we have early mornings we have late nights of sports are all sorts of other things but if you think about what it’s gonna take.
That’s a very first step is more sleep and the benefits of sleep i can go on and on about that reduces anxiety reduces,
over heating because the growing in your brain isn’t kicking us inhaler anymore carbs on there’s tons of research out there that shows that the quality and quantity of sleep.
Is the single most important thing for our children to be accurately prepared and for them to be emotionally stable.

[25:27] So if i wasn’t action items under sleep.
So the average child should get a medal child the average students anybody that in school observing immense amount of information and trying to retain it so if you are in college right now.
If you’re getting associates degree over and see are getting interesting to hear something like that you as well switch it eight to ten hours of sleep every night also.
We don’t want any tv or screens especially in the bedroom the body sees the screens even if there if they are on their eyes are shut and thinks it’s a sunrise of the depth of sleep is not is not good enough.
Also in bad do you want the bed to be just for sleeping no homework no video games like not reading in bed the reason for that is think about you know thousands and thousands of years ago if you fall asleep next to a tiger you die.
If you did not fall semester tiger you live sir brains constantly ask ourselves is this a safe environment for me to sleep so.

[26:29] Is this the same buyer to sleep you just played some shoot them up video game in this bad you just read a book you’re watching tv and bed now you wonder why your brain can go unconscious and feel safe.
So take the tvs in the bedroom to computers in the bedroom also you are limit screen time before bed so it at least fifteen minutes before bad ideally what half an hour to an hour of no screen time before bed.

[26:55] Also the body naturally in the body temperature drops which triggers all sorts of things in the brain chemicals call grell in melatonin that can initiate sleep.
So having your house b below seventy degrees at night can really help people get better sleep.
And having a dark i mean you just want to be darker you want your brain to be able to have not a whole lot of light in a couple hours before bed on your be kind of slowly can giving down the level of light they’re taking i set sleep.
One to five we got done are there to organization.
So over i hear from parents my middle schoolers not organized my high school is not organized one of the top complaints of both parents.
And of teachers and students in middle school high school is that the kids can’t stay organized so.
When i went to much of each you.

[27:51] I was taking my in laws my mother father in law and then my wife all four of us are traveling together is my in laws first international trip did never really travel out of the states of new mexico cayman islands.
Like i think they went to canada couple times but.
Have never done like a major like an international trip so we went to peru we’re gonna go all the way up to much of peach you see the sunrise they’re good until it to be cocky see the floating islands.
I mean unbelievable check that we just plan their self now my worst case scenario is that my father and mother load somehow be separated from us and that like.
They wouldn’t know what to do so i created a binder for each person that had an itinerary and had like a like.
Copies of their basic information like the passport in there all these things so they would be or.
Luckily we need uses binders at all except to say where is a hotel tonight okay it’s at this place to tell the cab driver that’s all.
But we are prepared know this seems true when you prepare your kids will prepare kids to organize that it just hops the brain just relax and not worry as much.
There’s this thing called vigilance document that is so it was discovered in research.
So vigilance document there’s this research study and what is the very random number two to these participants to say the number was four five eight nine.

[29:25] So we put you down in front of the computer yeah everything for five eighty nine pops up on this computer hit the space bar.
Any time other numbers pop up don’t hit anything so pops up your number hit it not your number don’t have it,
so the list sat there in front of the screen for you know up to an hour hitting the spine them boom boom boom super boring task to the south people sat there for an hour,
is it over time their vigilance how well they pay attention when down so document so it went down over time when they work straight through.
Now they have different group that they compared with after twenty minutes they went to we have you in the wrong computer lab,
let me set up a different computer just have a seeing eye lobbies hang out there for couple minutes and i’ll get all balled up and then you can start.
You going twenty minutes.
Will let you know what i need to switch you out with someone else coming in the news this computer i’m sorry for this just hangout lobby same as before me to put you back in the original computer.
The same sixty minutes except is broken up with very short breaks in between so which fruit do you think did better was the twenty minute group because our brain.
Wax in i’m twenty minute segments we know that about speaking we know that about paying attention we know that about tasks so one thing that you can do is to sit down and plan with your middle schooler.
Itemize the task that they have to do for homework for planning the life for soccer all these different things what do they need to do in order to chores.

[30:58] Breakdowns twenty minute segments just got his paperwork and what do you need to study for this test okay you need to know this chapter seven and eight.
And then you also need to put your nuts in case are gonna prepare all that’s the first twenty minutes is gonna be preparing what you need to be successful.
Yeah stand up some jumping jacks push ups with gold drink some water not going screens nothing like that doesn’t refresh the brain.
Then you’re going to twenty minutes of your first last and twenty minutes of your second task and you just gonna keep on doing those twenty minute segments.

[31:31] The water walking moving between us twenty minutes is essential to helping the brain the optimize case number two is organization number one asleep.
Number three food so recently alas i can hear the little bit of coffee for my vocal cords.
I don’t know that’s my vocal cords my helps me i just like coffee hold on.

[31:59] Alright so.

[32:03] Lately i’ve been doing a green smoothie experiment with my kids and wife trying to see how many veggies i can sneak into their diet without them complaining,
i think i’m doing pretty well so i made a smoothie just yesterday.
And it will the blender some eggs in the blender it was about two-thirds of the way full of spinach and then squeeze half a lime and it.
Tried some ginger in there put in half a zucchini on some frozen blueberries half of a frozen banana.
Couple of bits of frozen apple will separation flaxseed and then about a glass of water.
Let go and enter in some tofu so blinded it all up.
My family loved it drink it all and i was like i use to have a zucchini in there i never thrown seeking into a smoothie.

[32:58] Why am i doing this well.
There’s a bunch of research behind food and brain development and let’s talk a little bit about them so in the short run a low sugar low carb diet reduces attention.
So there the vigilance in the short run when your body first moves from a high sugar high carb diet.
All the sudden this fall off of me actually can pay attention to the national institute of health found in three preliminary results of three different studies,
the higher grades and test scores were associated with more ma three so the more omega threes you have the better because it reduces inflammation allowance the brain can work better also.
Over three weeks they saw that idea of low sugar low carb reducing attention that is when it changes and so.
In rats they found that they had us so gross and high saturated fat guys sugar and fat in these rats and the hippocampus levels,
or reduced so the learning skills learning tasks the neural plasticity of the brain all that went down when there is a high saturated fat.
Hi sugar diet.
Alright so another thing about the brain and food is this idea happy genetics happy meaning on top of genetics are genetics that were just giving.

[34:25] So when we have certain foods certain life things also the things that open up our genetics are closer genetics is a million research studies about happy genetics and different things are kinda on lock your genetics more than others.
No they found it saturated fats open up your ass one r two r teach you something star wars like archie did you.
Which is the silent information regulator to which keeps the app ebay and so.
Your genetics of your brain are kind of like kept where they should be then saturated fats open those up,
which then reduces energy increases depression and changes your cognitive function alright so saturated fats.
High carb diet bad that’s the quick and dirty of the research bad so what can we do,
okay dr drew ramsey he’s a psychiatrist in new york focuses on food he spoke a tax here local in traverse city and may.
I love how he frames this he says seafood and greens nuts and beans and a little dark chocolate to this oven will not sure am so say with me seafood and greens.
Nuts and beans and a little dark chocolate to severe optimize your child’s brain incorporate a little bit more seafood get that omega three.
Greens rest tons and tons and kale i mean i could talk forever about how awesome cable is so i you can.

[36:03] Put a little lime juice in their lemon juice the acid that will kind of tapered on the bitterness.
So see if waiting means nuts are those really good fats for your brain your brain can get some good fuel off of it and then being sell all sorts of beans and lentils things like that that you can incorporate into soups,
and a little dark chocolate to sell your action i don’t get that seafood and greens nuts and beans and in those are chocolate to.
I’m not saying change your whole diet take one step in the right direction for your family switch.
To spinach maybe a huge up even in korea salad maybe a huge jump any small step in the right direction is going to help your middle schoolers bring.

[36:48] I sleep regulation food now under scheduling every saturday.

[36:56] I don’t work i don’t check my email i don’t read blogs the only thing that maybe others listen to a podcast lawn mowing the lawn or snow blowing soon be smelling.

[37:09] What i’ve found is that it just allows my brain to stop and appreciate all that is using all that is going on my life.

[37:18] Now we’ve switched to be.

[37:21] Into in over scheduled over parenthood societies in two thousand twelve there is a six year old boy who is waiting at the bus stop.
The pan it was not waiting with them they lived a few blocks away but the six year old boy was with an older sibling.
And this boy was not where he was supposed to be in the bus ran over his foot terrible tragic accident.
No child protective services got involved in charge the parent with child abuse for not physically walking their child to the bus stop.
Yeah over and over here the stories about kids that are playing at the park by themselves their you know that seven eight nine that then you know in some other states child protective services will come and get these kids,
we’re living in a society where the expectation is that parents be,
everywhere in top your kids and make sure that they’re never alone even though the national missing and exploited children,
they said that stranger danger is a myth and the kids are most likely to get kidnapped by someone that knows them.
Our society still buying into the idea of stranger danger.

[38:32] So what does that mean for kids that are often over scheduled well on has been number research studies that point to over scheduled kids damaging the marriage of their parents so that’s one factor that can affect you.
That’s gonna show an increase in diagnosis of learning disabilities add adhd depression.
An increase of drugs and alcohol because they didn’t learn those coping mechanism so why is this so why you see all these things associated with being highly scheduled well during childhood this is the time when your developing,
your skills be able to cope with tough things so learning to deal with boredom and becoming creative.
Learning to be able to come up with things to do i learning to engage with people socially beyond texting beyond screen.
Those are all very important skills now imagine you don’t have the skills to speak to someone else you bit over scheduled so you haven’t had really be alone with yourself.
You feel very uncomfortable and you don’t know what to do with that as an adult.
What’s gonna be the quick and easy route because you are the head coach of the quick and easy route of being over scheduled that you’re just told that you didn’t have to come up with on your own.
Drugs and alcohol can be a very easy coping mechanism so as you look forward to your family has a couple strategies you can do.
So planning some family time and is having non negotiable so maybe it’s like every thursday night you’re gonna do game night as a family so.

[40:03] Something that’s fine there’s a lot of games out there that are really fun for middle schoolers i’m sure that any of the teachers here to tell you games that the kids might enjoy.
Reducing screen time so having limits on screen time of the american association of pediatrics say that it should be.
Reducing that is really important than even just looking at your own kids schedule me if you have three kids and teaching to sports activities at six activities that you’re getting everybody to.
Alright allowing your kids to be creative and come up with other things has a lot of value in regards to helping them become a well-rounded person almost more than having them being over scheduled kids.
Sleep deprivation food under scheduling and last but not least.

[40:54] Emotional support.

[41:00] So every monday i go for a walk with my friend taylor he and i used to get babysat together with them like didn’t hang out as kids and then we ended up meeting in college again we didn’t really know like.
Our parents house to babysit the us like we hung out so we met in college amazing we were both from the same city amazing like we both got a visit together while.
So we bought and it getting a job at the community college i used to work at.
And every monday or more that every monday when i worked there we walk in my lunch hour for his lunch hour lunch hour and go up the hills and walk around talk.

[41:36] No i still every monday we’ll go walk with him because for me it’s such a great just emotional i’ll its physical it gives me some read them to my week having that support.
Is really important to me.
The same is true with kids the journal of personality and social psychology social psychology did a research study of parental support.
And they found that reassurance a child’s worth when they are in college and high school and college overall increased,
they’re college gpa and a city scars and they accounted for on someone’s over all the cities car family cheap man conflict within the family as factors to make sure that it was just the reassurance of worth.
On the head this whole week assessment that the students took about how to basically worthy they fell in the eyes of their parents.

[42:30] Over and over we see that parents involve me.
In their child’s life is the single most important relationship in so if you are the primary care taker.
I love this middle school which i’m assuming most of you are here.
You are still even when they hate you guys going to trying other friends who are still on the most important people if had the most important person in there life as they grow up.
On this thing about research around a parent reading to the child versus other caretakers reading to a child and some stays will save.
Where affect it is so acura second star wars reference of the talk.

[43:14] More effective it is to you so five to ten times more effective when a parent reads to the child than any other caretaker.
And so on whatever we see that the parents involvement and telling her child that there were the no matter who they are what they do or what they achieved that they have worth.
That is highly associated with their academic success is not putting the pressure on them to do better it’s how well.

[43:45] So how does that look for some action items for you starting sentences with your middle schooler with tell me so tell me about your day or tell me more about your connection with blah blah blah.
Another thing is to you maybe around the dinner table was tell me something happy and tell me something crappy about your day.

[44:07] Trying not to have an agenda in your talks with them so my goal isn’t to make them do their homework michael isn’t to make them do this so that my goal is to just listen to their day on so often parents get in this mindset of on my gosh.
Like my kids and eight great in every couple years to go off to college i have to get in all the teaching of a lifetime in before they go off and you don’t.
And also trying to not be action oriented when your asking your kid about their life just listen to active listening can.

[44:38] What i just heard you say that you’re really stressed by your math homework tell me more about that so just reflecting back what they say.
So it sounds like your kind of stressed out about that.
Tell me more about this the more that you can get in the habit of really actively listening to your son or daughter.
The more they’re gonna keep opening up and it is challenging over the middle school and high school years to get kids open up you’re gonna say how was your day fine.

[45:06] What happen nothing and does not.
But you that part have to ask different questions if you ask bad questions you’re going to get bad answers if you ask good questions you getting a good answers so the more that you can do that the better.
Sleeping organization food under scheduling an emotional support.
Those are the five tips for optimizing your middle schoolers bring.

[45:36] So then at that point i’m going to go into we’re gonna party some group stuff as well.

[45:42] I think i’m pretty good i feel good about that like thanks for listening in really appreciate that so.
Alright thank you so much for being a part of this podcast you guys rock i e-mails every week from so many people that are either subscribing to the newsletter or that have been a part of different things it’s just it’s just crazy awesome.
And if you don’t know if you’re on the newsletter you would just an email that i have changed the price of my members newsletter the members newsletters and people that want.
To have a step by step guide,
two lives in a private practice even in every single week as to what you need to do for a year a larger private practice i just got that from hundred.
Two seventeen box one time fee i just want to help people i already made back the money from the time that i put into it.
So i have a link to that in the show notes is well which is gonna be.
Over at practice to practice account for slash session one for me there will be a link there as well to brighte vision.com/joe i also talked about this survey.
And for slash start for twenty eight step checklist all sorts of stuff over there to help you grow and lunch or private practices you guys rock i love hangout with you hope your day goes fabulous and i’ll talk to you next week.

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